Speaking to my younger, much more glamorous, sister the other day I was reminded of an “incident” I had a little over a year ago…

Let me set the scene. We had moved to a new house in a new area in July 2022. Our new house was lovely and in a quiet cul-de-sac. Sounds perfect, right? Ha! Yeah we thought so too until the November when the violent realisation that living on the edge of open countryside meant that when the winds get up our little street is a literal fucking wind-tunnel! Two main effects of this are my letter box flap-flap-flapping incessantly, akin to a 4 year old with a new drum kit 😖 and “bin day” becoming a take-your-life-in-your-hands event. This was one of the”those” days. 

So the bin men had been and graciously taken away all of our rubbish. Marvellous. What wasn’t bloody marvellous was the fact that our bins, along with everyone else’s in the street, now having no weight in them, were now blowing around in the fucking road like bumper cars being driven by invisible, pissed-up hooligans, bashing into each other and cars and creating an ever moving slalom in the road.  So, being the good home owner that I am I went to venture outside and tuck our bins down the side of our house and negate their ability to partake in the melée. Not so easy when your balance is that of a lightweight after 10 pints of cider having stepping off a rollercoaster. I use two walking sticks to get around, even then it’s precarious and pissing painful to witness. BUT first bin went reasonably well, safely tucked away. Result! Perhaps giving me a false sense of confidence in this situation. Second bin started off ok when BAM a huge gust of wind catches the bin and slamming it into me, balance failure activated I go flying, landing with decided crack to the head on the curb (earning me an egg-like bump and a stern telling off from the husband as I “could have died” 🙄) my glasses go flying which the wind blew fuck-knows-where down the road. Obviously I can’t see them coz I haven’t got my fucking glasses on!! And I end up face down in the road with the bin on top of me, a là Wicked Witch of the East from the Wizard of Oz 🤦🏻‍♀️ I must have been quite a sight! A lovely lady from across the road came running to my aid, took the bin off me and around the side, as was my intention, and located and returned my glasses to me, giving me back the gift of sight once again. She then offered to help me up but she was a tiny little thing and, feeling I had already filled my humiliation quota for the day, I opted to just crawl back to my front door and go in and lick my metaphorical wounds alone while having a little cry. I later discovered a beautiful deep purple haematoma on my hip to go with my sore head too. 

One bonus is I’m now no longer allowed to even touch the bins meaning I’m not permitted to take rubbish out, put the bins out or bring them in! Overall, pretty much a win in my book 😂