Friday night hubby goes to the pub, well it’s not really the night, he goes after work so around 4:30pm and is usually back by 7. This week I thought I’d use the time for an “everything shower” and surprise him in bed when he got back (sorry mum! 🤣).
So I fed the dog and let her out so she was sorted then headed to the bathroom. I didn’t bother taking clean clothes with me as I didn’t intend on putting any on after… ooh la la! 🤣 Oh how I’d regret that. Shower was uneventful and for the most part getting in and out wasn’t too awful, my legs kind of behaved themselves – they’d obviously got the memo. But that’s where my success ended really. Before heading to the bedroom I wanted to rinse the bath round, there had been a LOT of shaving going on, so I reached for the shower head only I already had my compression socks on (sexy, I know 😉) and lost traction on the shiny bathroom floor ending up square on my (luckily well padded) backside on the cold tiles. Fuck!!!! This evening was fast becoming ruined 😡 I had my walker in the bathroom with me as well so I HAD to try and move so I could get it out of the way of the door as it was currently blocking it. The whole situation was a bloody disaster. What a shitshow.
Anyway, after trying for about 10 mins to get up I finally accepted that it wasn’t gonna happen so I concentrated on getting onto my knees and moving the walker to free space behind the door. It’s been a long time since I’ve been on my knees obviously (take that however you want!) because it was fucking agony! I folded my towel and managed to kneel on that but even that wasn’t great. Anyway, at the 20 minute mark I conceded that this was all completely futile and I texted the husband to say I’d fallen down and couldn’t get up. I fucking HATE admitting defeat but I had no choice at this point, with my only towel now under my knees I was starting to get chilly as well as uncomfortable and in pain from kneeling.
Anyway, he doesn’t get the text as he’s already driving, 15 mins later I hear him come in and talk to the dog. This was good news… and bad. Good news because I’d finally be able to get off the cold, hard floor. Bad news because, well, there was no way to dress it up or cover it up, he was about to discover my fat ass sat naked on the bathroom floor, tits resting on belly, resembling a Buddha.
Not quite the image I was going for 🤦🏻♀️. But discover me he did, hefted the bath lift chair out of the bath and put it next to me for me to sit down onto and up I went. Easy when you can, hey?! I transferred across onto the toilet and he went off to get me some clothes (hopefully because I was cold and not to cover the hideous sight of me!).
Needless to say that was the end of my Friday night excitement 🤣 maybe I’ll try again next week..?!
My knees still fucking hurt, my left shoulder is sore from trying fruitlessly to hoist myself up and it took until Sunday to feel fully like “myself” again. I seriously cannot wait to get in the gym now and build some upper body strength so I can get myself out of these situations and save everyone’s eyes from the sight of my naked body!
The Sweary MSer 
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