Hubby has spent a few weekends away for motocross this year, 6 days in France, four days in Netherlands… go back a couple of years and I would’ve been there too, but at the moment it’s just not practical. I am a nice wife, just because I can’t go doesn’t mean I expect my husband to miss out. Plus it scores me wife points 😇

I always sleep in the lounge on the sofa (couch/settee whatever you call it!) when he is away as it’s easier for me to get in and out and I can keep an eye on the old decrepit dog. This particular morning I awoke and stood up only fully intending to make my first visit to the bathroom, only it didn’t quite work out that way. I took one for step with my right foot followed by my left foot only when I went to put my weight on my left foot the most horrendous fucking pain shot through my knee almost sitting me on my arse there and then. Being the sensible person I am I thought okay I’ll just sit back down, which I proceeded to do, not realising that I was actually further away from the sofa than I thought. So my sitting back down resulted in the tiniest half inch of my backside touching the edge of the sofa before sinking all the way to the floor. Fucking brilliant. I know full well I cannot get myself up from the ground anymore. Husband was away, it was 0615 in the morning so not an appropriate time to ask neighbours for a helping hand (or anyone else for that matter) and I needed a piss. What a way to start the day.!

So I had to do the one thing I hate to do the most – I called the emergency services. Which was the source of great irritation to me because I wasn’t hurt and I hadn’t had an accident so it makes me feel like a fraud to use services like that. but I had no choice. I couldn’t live my life on the ground. The dog gave no fucks and stayed asleep in his bed. Standard.

Once I had been put through to the ambulance service, I explained my predicament and the lovely lady on the end of the phone Advised that she would dispatch an ambulance but there would be a wait as the service is very busy. Of course I told her that was fine. I’m safe in my own home and I’m not injured so apart from needing a wee, I’m absolutely fine. I did say that if the ambulance service is too busy and my call would add extra pressure she was welcome to send me a fire engine with some firemen instead! 😉 in hindsight I’m glad she didn’t. I wasn’t exactly looking my best 😆

Two hours later and two lovely paramedics turned up, came in and assessed me – all the usual crap like blood pressure and oxygen saturation blah blah, which was absolutely fine because medically apart from the obvious there’s nothing wrong with me, I had literally just misjudged how close my arse was to the seat. Once they established I wasn’t gonna pass out, they decided they were going to use the lifting bag to get me up (which is just a big balloon that they put underneath you and then inflate to get you off the ground) but I kindly informed them if they were to walk into my bathroom they will see my bath lift which can be used for the exact same purpose. I had actually seen a post on Facebook where a lady did exactly that so I’m very grateful that I saw that. They trotted off and got my bath lift out of the bath, positioned it behind me at which point they helped me shuffle back onto it, then I could use the controls to raise myself up and transfer back onto the sofa. Ta-Daa!

The paramedics were fabulous and actually did more for me than my entire neurology team and GP team have done in the past two years because they made a referral to occupational health while they were here who then called me 30 minutes after they had left and the next day came out to visit me to make sure that I was safe and had everything I need. I have been requesting occupational health from my neuro team for about 18 months now, such a shame it takes an emergency call out to get anything to work in the system. I have an appointment for a full assessment and I’m also on the waiting list for neuro physiotherapy! I really fucking hate calling the emergency services (I’ve only done it once before) but on this occasion, I’m quite glad that I did!