We recently had to travel back to our home town for my father-in-laws funeral. A stressful enough event; time constraints stress me out which in turn makes my spasticity worse, we had to stay at my Mums as she lives all on one level plus we have the dog, whom we can’t exactly leave in a hotel room for the day, it’s all just a lot.

Anyway, the weather was very kind to us and the service was lovely. There is a large pub at the end of the road to the Crematorium where 9/10 families hold the Wake but my husband’s family had opted to have theirs at my FIL’s local. My Sister-in-Law had done her due diligence, bless her, and upon checking the website it showed “Wheelchair Accessible” among the features of the pub. I had been there before but never in my chair and several years earlier so I’m guilty of never taking any notice of the facilities… this was a mistake.

Upon reaching the pub I, of course, needed to pee. I mean, obviously, my bladder was never going to behave ALL fucking day now was it 🙄 so hubby went in to get drinks and enquire about the toilet situation. Turns out the pubs’ idea of “Wheelchair Accessible” was just the provision of a ramp that could be placed over the step to allow access INTO the pub. Once in, it’s tough shit on all other fronts. Luckily my brother-in-laws partner works in the Care sector and is a dab-hand with a wheelchair because just getting into the ladies was like an episode of the fucking Krypton Factor (anyone under 40 will have to Google that one 🤣) getting onto the actual toilet was a mission all of its own. Being a fairly new wheelchair user, transfers still require fine tuning and this certainly presented an opportunity to work on those. My chair JUST fit through the door of the stall but there was no turning or positioning so it was a sideways shimmy onto the toilet where I could wriggle out of my trousers and undies. RELIEF! Plus I was quite pleased that I hadn’t pissed myself.

Now to do it all in reverse. There wasn’t so much as a handrail in the toilet, just smooth, perfectly flat, tiled walls either side of the toilet so I had nowhere to grab onto to help with the manoeuvre, I had to rely on my one slightly-less-shit leg and Paulette. Desperate not to end up on the floor and cause a scene, my BIL’s partner was a great help in assisting me and I was so grateful she was there. Around 20 mins later the job was done, I couldn’t reach the hand wash basin so had to plump for hand sanitiser instead and Paulette helped, again, to manoeuvre me back through the two doors into the pub. Exhausting. Hubby had bought me a pint of orange juice and lemonade, of which I had maybe a third… I wasn’t about to risk needing to “go” again before we left!

After we got back to Mum’s and I was in the relative safety of her ground floor maisonette, he went to meet some friends for a drink and I flaked out on the sofa.

If this experience has taught me anything it’s to NOT go by an establishments own description of their accessibility, a phone call needs to be made prior to attending. I’ve also learned that, although providing disabled toilet facilities is a legal requirement for all new non-domestic buildings, businesses that have a turnover below a certain threshold and based in a building over a certain age aren’t LEGALLY required to provide such facilities due to cost! So the Equality Act 2010 only applies in the majority of situations but not ALL. I’ve since learned the importance of Google and Tripadvisor reviews – and am now one of “those” people. A damn busy-body 🤦🏻‍♀️ I don’t enjoy moaning but I think going for a piss is a basic right that everyone should be afforded so I actually wrote my first review because of that experience, it might just help another person make an informed decision on visiting a certain place.

The upshot is, CHECK before you go anywhere. Also, yay-me for not pissing my pants 👏🏻🤣