My life seems to be just a series of “firsts” these days. First time I can’t get up the stairs, first time I can’t fill up the car, first time I can’t get off the floor… this time was a bit different, although still very much a “first”.

It’s no secret that I can no longer get up the stairs easily, so every other day I’ve managed to manoeuvre my way up there and have a shower and wash my hair, etc the days in between consist of a strip wash in the downstairs WC, which is a system that I’ve settled into and seems to work quite well. The shower is in our ensuite and is for all intents and purposes a “walk-in” shower with a lip of around 3/4 inches to step over in order to get in. To the normal person 3/4 inches is nothing (Ooh La La.!) But for me, it may as well be 3 feet. I have next to no lift in either my feet or my hip flexors so stepping into the shower is a bit of an ordeal. I had devised the system of holding onto the door frame and leaning to the left while simultaneously lifting my right leg (with my hand) into the shower at which point I can then reach across and take a hold of the grab rail, steadying myself enough to then pull my left leg in behind me. Is it safe? Absolutely fucking not, but it is the way it is and for now it has been working. That is until last Friday…

Last Friday was ridiculously hot and very humid so I probably should’ve known better than to attempt to have a shower when I was already hot knowing full well it renders me practically useless. But it was shower day and shower I was going to! Dragging myself up the stairs I realised that that was actually making me hotter than I already was (which is the closest I was going to get to a workout in that temperature 🙄 ) I can’t even begin to explain to you how I then make my way from the top of the stairs to the ensuite bathroom but let me tell you it ain’t pretty. In fact, I think most would find it quite alarming. Anyway, I got there stripped off and sat for a minute attempting to cool down before then starting the process of getting into the shower. Only it didn’t go to my usual plan this time. No matter how much I held on or how much I leaned I just wasn’t steady enough to lift my leg. I just couldn’t do it. Getting more annoyed I decided to change tack – I pulled my shower stool from within the shower over to the shower doorway and used that to lean on with my left arm so my entire body weight was supported and then I could lift my right leg into the shower tray. Success! Okay then, now I continue my normal process and get on with having a shower. Women will understand what I mean when I say this, but it was an “everything” shower so there was hair wash, shaving to do, exfoliating to do, the list is extensive! Having completed all tasks it was time to exit and that’s where it all went to shit. Getting out is usually a fairly simple exercise, lean on the wall to my right, weight on my left leg, lift right leg out. Not this time. No matter what I did I just couldn’t get my balance nor could I lift my leg. It was as if it suddenly weighed twice as much as it previously did. So I reached round and pushed the door open as it was rather hot and steamy in the small bathroom and I thought that might help. Stood for a few minutes to allow the steam/heat to dissipate before trying again. But still my shitty leg would not fucking budge! Shiiiit!!! We have a number of friends nearby that I could have called and all of them would have come to my aid but not one of them do I want to see me naked much less man-handle me out of the shower naked!!

By this time it was about 4:30 and I wasn’t about to wait until 6 for my husband to get home so I needed to get my shit together. I can’t even remember how I did it now but I eventually did get out and then rewarded myself with a lengthy sit on the toilet to regather my strength. I also treated my face to exfoliation and a good dose of Hyaluronic acid moisture. If my body is utter dog shit at least I won’t be fucking wrinkly to boot!

I’m pleased to report that I’ve since had several showers and not had the same difficulties- I always wear my Apple Watch in case I get in a pickle and have devised multiple techniques for getting in and out. I also now know that if the temp is 28°+ not to fucking bother! Living with temperature sensitivity for a few years now you’d think I’d know better… nope, I’m still the dickhead that thinks she knows better 🙄 my mum always said I liked to learn “the hard way”!