I’ve always had pretty vivid dreams, even as a kid. I don’t dream all that often now, probably because the plethora of drugs I take at bedtime send me straight down into deep sleep almost skipping the REM stage altogether! Last night though I did dream, I had a hideous nights sleep, probably totalling 4.5 hours in four stints. Shite. But it did mean that I had a very vivid dream and it wasn’t a pleasant one nor did it make any sense. In fact it was downright fucking weird!

For starters I was walking around wearing heels 😂 my good old brain likes to do that to me occasionally, just rub my face in it, the bitch. Anyway, work had sent me off somewhere and before I went back I needed to pee (obviously!) so I popped into what looked like a normal bar/restaurant hoping they’d allow me to use the facilities. There I bumped into a friend I hadn’t seen in a while and after a brief chat I was informed the toilets were downstairs. I set off through the wooden door as directed and down some wooden stairs… only to discover as I reached the bottom that said stairs were suspended off the ground and this bar was actually on a boat. A boat in pretty choppy waters making it a terrifying feat to “dismount” the stairs not to mention seriously hard work trying to jump down from the last step whilst these stairs are swinging around banging into the wall! Eventually managing that I continued my journey and ran into a man who looked like a member of staff so I asked him where I needed to go. He directed me through another wooden door but informed I’d need the key?! Off he went to retrieve the keys and furnished me with them a few minutes later.

Through that door though were what appeared to be what I can only describe as decommissioned toilets that were all broken, it was dark and dingy with no one around. Still I was desperate by this point so thought “fuck it, even if it doesn’t flush I don’t care!” So I opened one of the stalls to almost tumble down a ten foot drop!! Catching myself on the doorframe I quickly reversed away and decided against trying any of the others! I continued my search, passing through another, decidedly rowdier, bar and ending up in some sort of health centre. Great I thought, definitely be toilets in here! Only I couldn’t find them. At least not any that bloody worked! I eventually found a solitary loo and took a seat only something was weird, looking down I discovered it wasn’t plumbed in and I could see directly down to the next floor where, if I had just “done my business”, I’d have been giving someone on a treadmill an unsolicited golden shower!!! What the actual fuck was this place!!? At this point I decided that I’d rather piss behind a bush at the side of the road than carry on with this bizarre search so I abandoned the mission and headed back the way I came.

I only made it back as far as the crazy swinging staircase before I woke up, covered in sweat, boiling hot and my heart pounding so hard I thought it might just burst out of my chest. Sitting in the dark waiting to cool down and calm down, I wondered what the fuck that was all about? Who believes dreams have meaning? I’d love to hear the analysis of that one, what the significance is of the boat and almost pissing on some unsuspecting man’s head? I have a feeling the general theme of the dream centres around a mild anxiety of not getting to loo in time but the rest of it…??