Am I missing out on life? At the moment 100% yes. I’m in a kind of limbo right now, I won’t have a car for another couple of weeks so my independence remains constricted and that’s been since December! I’m also waiting for a referral to a specialist clinic for the spasticity in my legs which is making everything difficult and unenjoyable. Picture this, we went out to a local bar on Monday for a “just for fun” bingo night with some friends, all was fine and we had a nice time, one of our group won £170 so a bit of excitement, and then home time came. The temperature had dropped dramatically outside and any extreme of temperature plays havoc with my body. Too hot? I resemble overcooked spaghetti. Too cold? I go from al dente to raw pasta.

So I wheel out to the car but by the time I reach it and wrench my fat ass up to get in I’m as stiff as a fucking board, legs like pokers. Great. Worse still is our friends had picked us up so I was holding them up in my futile attempts to clamber into their vehicle – people waiting for me, or rather being held up by me, is absolutely a pet hate of mine. Hubby helped manoeuvre me into the seat, lifting/bending my legs for me, utterly frustrating but we’d had a nice time and it had been my first evening out since NYE so I made light of it knowing we’d be home in a matter of minutes. Only that didn’t give my legs time to warm up so the dread of knowing I’d have to get back out and into my house like a bloody rusty Tin Man settled firmly in the pit of my stomach.

And all my fears came true. We pulled up and I tried my best to be “quick” but that’s a joke in itself. Yet again holding people up only painfully aware that behind me they are watching me pathetically struggle just to take a step (it’s literally 3 steps from curbside into my front door), the stress of which only compounding my current level of spasticity. Hubby had only just “bragged” about how much faster I was with my rollator than I was with my sticks and now look at me… glued to the ground unable to move. All the while making jokes and having a good old fucking laugh about it all. Ha bloody ha. I eventually made it into the heated sanctuary of my home where I would soon loosen up with the help of the warmth of gas central heating, a plethora of muscle relaxants, some CBD gummies and my trusty dog who’s always happy for a snuggle.

So now I’m stuck being back at home, knowing full well I’ll be staying here until it’s a more ambient temperature outside before attempting another outing! Luckily I have work to keep me busy plus the usual Prime, Paramount+ etc and my daily exercise. And good old Bentley of course 🐶❤️